


Be Wherever You Are

by Crab_Lad



Series: Crab's need for clone wars content [15]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: (minor) - Freeform, Abandoned Planet, Amnesia, Angst, BET YOU DIDNT EXPECT TO SEE THAT!, Blood and Injury, Bonding, Canon-Typical Violence, Commander Cody is trying his best, Crash Landing, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Identity Issues, M/M, Mando'a, Not Canon Compliant, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Mess, Panic Attacks, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rescue, Self-Doubt, Sick Character, Stranded, Tags will update with each chapter posted, Talking, Talking Like Adults, Temporary Amnesia, That's Not How The Force Works, Umbara, Umbara (Star Wars), also minor - Freeform, and, idk how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:41:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23729977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crab_Lad/pseuds/Crab_Lad
Summary: Everything hurt, pulsing, pounding, burning through him. It was worse than when he had received his scar, as that had only been on the side of his face. But this pain laced through his veins, invading all of his senses to the point where he cried out. Moving proved futile, his ribs screaming and his leg feeling as though it was being torn off. Broken, then.
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi, CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Series: Crab's need for clone wars content [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1662106
Comments: 45
Kudos: 431





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the song of the same title from steven univer
> 
> anyway, yes i have other things i should be doing but this- this wouldn't let me go

Everything hurt, pulsing, pounding, burning through him. It was worse than when he had received his scar, as that had only been on the side of his face. But this pain laced through his veins, invading all of his senses to the point where he cried out. Moving proved futile, his ribs screaming and his leg feeling as though it was being torn off. Broken, then. 

“Cody!?” A voice shouted, far off in the distance. Or maybe he was close by and _Kote’s_ senses were dulled, so far removed it seemed as though he were far away. It didn’t sound like a _vod_ , didn’t sound like a _Kaminii_ , and wasn’t his _Buir_. 

He tried to speak, tried to ask who it was but- 

But his throat felt shredded, breathing almost impossible for him as he whimpered. _Kote_ hadn’t even attempted lifting the debris burying him, knowing that would only bring more pain. A whimper escaped his lips as something around him shifted, dislodging him and shoving the piece of metal in his stomach further in. 

“Oh, Force,” someone cursed, voice broken and desperate, “hold in there, Cody.” 

The last he thought he had before he drifted back into unconsciousness lingered on the strange name. Who was Cody?

\---

When he awoke next, he was laying on something hard and cool, but rough unlike the medical beds. There was a slight breeze that carried humidity in. To his side, he could hear the crackle of fire, and soft rustling. 

The pain had dulled a little, making his legs feel numb. It was a struggle to breathe, even as he opened his eyes. He was greeted by the sight of a cave, lit only by the small flame to the side. He had been stripped of his armour, left only in the bottom half of his blacks. There was a bandage covering the better half of his chest, and a makeshift splint attached to his broken leg. His ribs felt… normal, not broken. 

He wondered how much time had passed. 

Suddenly, a face entered his line of sight, red hair burning in the light as another took his face into his hands, expression pinched in worry. Blue eyes pooled with tears as the man let out a small laugh. He was beautiful, the stranger. Expressive, yet controlled. It was sooty, as if he had stuck his face in ash, and dried blood was crusted on the side of his head. 

_Kote_ remained still, unmoving and waiting for whatever would come next. Was this a trainer? Where were they? What had happened? Last thing he knew, he and Rex had been sparing before lights out. 

The man stilled, taking in a sharp inhale as he pulled back, whispering, “Cody?” 

_Kote_ straightened, saluting, “CC-2224, awaiting orders. Permission to speak, sir?” 

“I- Cody-” he sighed, something broken and soft. “Permission granted.” 

He rolled the words around in his head before opening his parched mouth to ask, “Sir, may I ask where are we? Are you a trainer?” 

A sob escaped the other man as he reared back, eyes wide. 

“Do you…” the man started, eyes flickering with uncertainty, “Do you have a name?” 

The hesitation in the man’s voice, the pure hope in the man’s voice tugged at his heart, causing a wave of _emotion_ , to well up in him. He wasn’t sure what the emotion was, but something about the man made him trust him, made him know he was safe. 

“ _Kote_ , sir,” he responded, softening a little. A trainer never asked for their names, only their _Buir_. Names were sacred, special.

Sighing heavily, the man turned his face upwards. The silence that passed was ambivalent, holding delicately. For a moment, _Kote_ believed he was going to be decommissioned, sent back to Kamino only to be scrapped.

“Well, _Kote_ ,” the man said slowly, blue eyes meeting his own brown, “I’m Obi-Wan. You don’t have to call me sir. I’m… a friend. I’m not a trainer. Do you mind telling me what the last thing you remember is?”

“I was turning in for bed, after sparring with my brother,” he answered, trying to remain steadfast and responsive, just how the _Kaminiise_ liked him.

Obi-Wan hummed, stroking at his beard. Then he stood, rising with more grace and ease than he had seen from some of his brothers. 

“Well, _Kote_ , you and I have crashed landed on this planet until we can be found. I have to go gather for some food, seeing as the few rations we had aboard the ship will only last us a few days. Please, try to sit still, you are still healing.” 

The way he spoke held an air of command, leadership. The robes added to it, along with the way the man carried himself. Then that’s when he saw the lightsaber dangling from Obi-Wan’s belt. 

_Jetti_.

So, this must be his general. The _Kaminiise_ had told him as such, that all Jedi would be their commanding officers. That they were made to live, breathe, die, fight for the Jedi. 

“Of course, sir.” 

Something pinched in Obi-Wan’s brows as he looked over _Kote_ one more time, and left. 

Finally alone, _Kote_ shifted relaxing against the wall. He let out a small sigh, reaching for the top half of his blacks that were neatly folded and placed to the side. The fabric slid on with ease, but caught on the bandages making the injury scream with pain. 

_“CODY!” Obi-Wan had shouted across the ship, trying desperately not to get drowned out by the sirens. The red warning lights washed out the cool grey metal. It was an eerie sight, but unfortunately one he was used to._

_“I’m alright General! Are you alright?”_

_“I am, but I cannot get to you, the crates caved in, blocking off the entrance. The other half of the ship has torn off.”_

_Cody sighed, closing his eyes as he leaned against the cold wall, knowing that this would be the end. It would take a miracle to survive this, even with a Jedi._

_“It was a pleasure serving with you, sir.”_

_“Cody- no, please, don’t say that. Everything will be fine. You’ll b-”_

_Then everything went black._

He gasped, doubling over as his head roared in pain before filtering to one spot, pulsing angrily. Clutching at his head, he eased himself back onto the small metal slate. 

Thoughts swirled dangerously in his head, like an out of control tsunami. 

So- so he was Cody? But he was _Kote._ He- he didn’t understand what that meant.

What had happened? That was clearly him in the memory?vision?dream? What did it all mean? This went far beyond anything he had been trained for, and he was way over his head but maybe- 

He was also taught to learn and adapt. So that’s what he would do. First he would have to learn why the _Jetti_ was lying to him. 

Rain started from beyond the cave, filling the silence with the soft pitterpater of the droplets. It was gentler than Kamino’s. Unlike the torrent he was used to, this shower was soft, soothing. It gave him a sense of peace he hadn’t had in a while. _Kote_ hoped Obi-Wan wouldn’t mind getting wet in all this. 

Relaxing into the hard slab under him, he shut his eyes. Rex must be wondering where he is. Jango would probably have his hide for running off with a _Jetti_ and ending up crashing somewhere that seemed inhabited. 

How did he get in that ship with the _Jetti_? That’s what concerned him most. He didn’t remember waking up, he certainly didn’t remember suiting up in that yellow armour in the corner. It was also… different. The visor was wrong, to start. It was ruined, scorched and scrapped from countless battles. But it wasn’t _his._

It was the wrong shade of yellow, leaning more towards gold. The patterns were irregular from the standard issue Commander armour. They were never allowed to personalize their armour, as that made them individuals in the eyes of the _Kaminii_ , but Cody understood the significance to it. They were all mandalorian. And _Mando'ade_ decorated their armour in memory of events, soldiers they lost. Colors and patterns had meaning. 

_Kote_ lost track of how much time he had spent in his musing, only jolted out of his stupor when Obi-Wan walked back in, carrying many more logs and a bag of fruit. With a small smile, Obi-Wan handed _Kote_ the bag before placing the extra wood to the side. With a sigh, he pulled off his tabards and tunic, leaving him in the undertunic which seemed relatively dry.

Curious, _Kote_ peaked into the bag of fruit without touching, wanting to see what he had been given. He was still cautious of the whole situation. This was someone he didn’t know, a _Jetti_ , a commanding officer. These were unknown waters and he wasn’t sure how to safely tread. 

“The sun will be setting soon,” Obi-Wan announced, falling into an easy perch on another rock. He tucked his legs in close, resting his arms on them. “I do not know much about this planet, but I do believe we should be safe here? It seemed uninhabited, with local flora and fauna that do not appear to be hostile.” 

It was a sitrep _Kote_ hadn’t asked for, but he also couldn’t complain. It was better to gain as much information as he could about the planet, the situation, this strange _Jetti_. 

“Sir, how did we crash?” 

There was that same strange look Obi-Wan had given him before, a mix of sadness and acceptance. 

“We were attacked by separatists, had to evacuate. The ship we took ended up getting launched out of hyperspace and tore itself apart. I know you have questions, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to answer them all,” Obi-Wan responded, tone clipped and short. “But I can tell you this, we are three years into the Clone Wars. You and I have fought side by side for almost all of them. I think something happened in the crash resulting in you losing your memory… just before Geonosis, if what I’m sensing is correct.” 

Geonosis he was unfamiliar with, but that was drowned out by the tidal wave of panic and confused that crashed into him. Amnesia. That- That was bad. Years of his life? Just gone? How was he supposed to be an effective soldier if he didn’t remember anything. If he was a commander, did that mean he wouldn’t recognize his men? What had he missed? 

“Cod- _Kote,_ calm down, it’s alright.”

His vision cleared to show Obi-Wan crouched low in front, hands hovering over him as he waited for Cody to calm down. Panicking wouldn't do either of them much good at that moment. _Kote_ needed to keep a level head, figure out what to do.

He lost years of his life. Who would still be alive? Dead? _Kote_ had been built for war, programmed for it, and yet he had missed so much. The war had excited the _vode_ , each eager and desperate to show their worth in the actual field instead of the training sims. And now _Kote_ had missed that.

“It’s alright,” Obi-Wan muttered again, almost as if trying to convince himself. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter! next one should be out tomorrow. Pain train coming choo choo
> 
> sorry if this is bad its 1 am and im just now finishing it uwu

The first week stranded passed… uncomfortably. They talked very little and when they did, it was always initiated by Obi-Wan.  _ Kote  _ had always learned to only speak when spoken to, and that’s what he would continue to do. The less of a problem he made himself the better. Why was the Jedi holding onto him? Why was the Jedi so obsessed with taking care of him, keeping him safe? 

Everything was so different from Kamino. Kamino had always been steril, white, synthetic air and harsh weather. The oceans had been raging, and many  _ vode  _ had lost themselves to it. The rain hadn’t been much better, soaking in deep straight to the bone. The sun never shone, always casting the planet in colder temperatures. 

Yet this planet was warm. It was bright and lively, vibrant colors popping everywhere. The only water he saw was when it rained, or when Obi-Wan returned with a canteen full. There was also green everywhere, so much of it in the trees and plants. Brown dirt lay at his feet, gray rocks around him. And the sky. The sky was the richest blue he had ever seen. He wasn’t aware the galaxy could be this bright.

They had decided to stay in the cave from the first night. Obi-Wan had used the force to shift the few rocks in front, move palms and trees and wood. Until they had a little awning over the mouth of the cave for when they wanted to sit in sunlight, away from the darkness of the cave. 

Obi-Wan (he really needed to stop being so casual, this was his General for Force sake, but yet it felt  _ right _ .) had demanded that he remained in the cave, only moving when Obi-Wan could help. It made him feel worthless, being unable to do what he needed. He was supposed to be strong, supposed to be helpful. He needed to train and practice and prepare for the war he was in.

The handicap had only added to his sour mood. He missed his batchmates, he missed Rex, he missed his  _ Buir.  _ Honestly, he wondered if Rex was still alive, Fox, Bly, Wolffe. The rest. He hoped they were okay, but he knew it wasn’t certain.

Obi-Wan had also reached out several times, as if to touch  _ Kote  _ but would flinch back a moment later.  _ Kote  _ pretended he didn’t notice, not wanting to bring attention to it if the  _ Jetti  _ didn’t want to. Still, it made him wonder about the manner of their relationship, if Obi-Wan frequently reached out as if it was normal. He also wondered why Obi-Wan had stopped (but couldn’t figure out why that made him sad.)

After a week and a half of only talking when necessary, Obi-Wan had appeared at his side, blue eyes stormy like an ocean. He carefully analyzed  _ Kote  _ before meeting his eyes, humming. 

“Would you be willing to sit outside with me? I’m just going to cook some of the fish I caught in the stream, but I was hoping you would like to join me.” 

The answer would always be yes.  _ Kote  _ didn’t want to know what would happen if he said no. The Kaminoans had told him to follow orders, to listen to his superiors. Saying no had always led to punishment.

So he nodded, taking on a, “Yes sir,” as Obi-Wan lifted him off his rock. It was another moment where he felt helpless. Being carried when he could walk over. Sure, his leg was broken, but  _ he  _ wasn’t. He could still walk. However, he restrained himself from protesting, letting Obi-Wan set him down gently on a log around the makeshift fire pit Obi-Wan had created the other day. 

After their rations ran out, Obi-Wan had ventured into the forest, hunting. The first day he had brought back a strange four-legged animal  _ Kote  _ was unfamiliar with. It had been delicious, however. Far better than anything he had eaten on Kamino. 

Obi-Wan settled next to him on the bench, making sure to keep a careful distance between them.  _ Kote  _ found himself suddenly nervous, sitting so close to the  _ Jetti _ . The  _ Jetti  _ had never asked him to go with him. 

“Would you mind if I… told you stories? Real ones, of my memories with you? The memories you’ve lost?” Obi-Wan finally asked, 

_ Kote  _ remained silent, unsure where this was going. He wasn’t sure what the right answer was, and honestly he was curious about the things he had missed. Even if he wasn’t completely sure he should trust the  _ Jetti _ . Something told him to. It told him to listen, to watch, to take in. 

Finally, he answered, “Yes, sir.” 

Obi-Wan’s lips twitched downward for a moment before he cleared his throat and shifted. “Well,” he began, “I suppose the first thing I should talk about was how Boil got his name.”

_ Kote  _ didn’t know who Boil was, but he was always fascinated by how  _ vode  _ got their names. Wolffe had gotten his for his nasty habit of biting. Fox had always been silent. He couldn’t remember how Bly got his name, but it sounded like one he had chosen. 

“I remember Waxer and you were teasing him over the rations. He’s always been picky about the food, only shoveling down what they give you all because he had to. I can’t say I’m quite fond of the rations either, but they supply you all enough nutrients. He mentioned once that he had been reading some cookbooks.” 

Obi-Wan cut off smiling at this.  _ Kote  _ admired the way the fire flickered in his eyes, a stark contrast from the black and blue of them. His own fiery hair was only enhanced in the fading light. 

“Waxer said something along the lines of, ‘you can read all you want,  _ vod _ , but that doesn’t give you talent.’ Boil took offense to that, and it was amusing to see how angry he got. You stepped in then, and I remember thinking that Boil was about to get a week's worth of sanitation duty for mouthing off like that, especially in front of two superior officers. Not that I minded, but you were always a stickler for the rules and regulations.” 

Well, that would make sense. Why wouldn’t you follow the regs? Deviating meant reconditioning, decommissioning. Besides, a trooper should never show such behavior in front of someone like their  _ general _ . 

“I think he did as well, because he turned pale. Instead you assigned him KP and told him that if he didn’t make everyone fall in love with his cooking, well, I suppose you had blackmail on him? I can’t exactly remember what you threatened him with.” 

Obi-Wan chuckled again, a hand reaching up to stroke his beard. He fell silent for a moment, eyes unfocused as he shifted the fish around. Then, he blinked looking back up. 

“He succeeded. He’s quite the good cook. You and your troops had pasta for a week straight after that, and when you asked him how he did it, his response was “I boiled it.” Which, might I add, is a very simplistic way of describing it. But, well, the name stuck.”

They fell into a satisfied silence, one which  _ Kote  _ mulled over, remembering warm noodles and joyful laughter. It was a vague phantom memory, but it certainly stirred something in him. 

Obi-Wan took in another breath, and launched into another story. This time, one from a mission to a planet called Ryloth. Once again Boil and Waxer were the focus of it. From what little he gathered, Boil was often a grumpy one.  _ Kote  _ wondered what would have happened if Numa had snuck aboard with them, following after Waxer like in the story. 

It was the first time  _ Kote  _ allowed himself to relax after waking up on the strange, warm planet. He let the General’s voice wash over him as he told story after story about the two known as Waxer and Boil. No other buried memories came to the forefront, but as the sun dipped below the horizon,  _ Kote  _ allowed himself to loosen up and listen. 

\----

After that, they started a new routine.  _ Kote  _ would sit up, exercise his leg the best he could while it healed, change his bandage, and limp to the mouth of the cave. He would sit there in the sunlight, eating whatever left over meat they had from the night before. Obi-Wan always woke up far earlier than  _ Kote  _ did, or so he said. But from the bags under the  _ Jetti’s  _ eye’s, he was soon beginning to think he never slept. After breakfast,  _ Kote  _ would either sit back in the cave, or sit outside and just… sit. Dinner would consist of Obi-Wan cooking their food over a fire while telling  _ Kote _ another story about one  _ vod  _ or another. 

It was thrilling, learning that this general,  _ his  _ general, knew Mando’a, knew their ways and customs. And, from what Obi-Wan told him, allowed the men to indulge in ways they hadn’t been able to on Kamino. 

It made him trust the Jedi a little more, believe in what he said.  _ Kote  _ was far from gullible, but there was something about the copper haired man that drew  _ Kote  _ to him. Maybe it was the way he carried himself, silent, deadly, but oh so beautiful. Like a dancer. Maybe it was the way he spoke, calm, collected, articulate, yet genuine. Or maybe it was how expressive he was, always twitching in emotion, even when he tried to hold back.  _ Kote  _ found it easy to read the man, to know when he was sad or tired or happy. 

Every so often, Obi-Wan would look at him, those blue eyes turning sad. He wondered what was it about himself that made the  _ Jetti  _ so upset. Had he harmed Obi-Wan?

It only took a few days for  _ Kote  _ to speak up hesitantly, without being prompted. Obi-Wan had cut off, dropping the story when-

“What happened next?”  _ Kote  _ had asked, barely audible. But  _ Kote  _ could practically feel Obi-Wan’s happiness from it as he continued the story. 

On their 12th night of stories, Obi-Wan had stopped, mulling over what to say. Then without preamble, finished, “You told me after that Captain Rex teased you for a week. We weren’t able to get you hair dye after Tracer’s prank, so you were stuck with pink hair for an entire month.” 

_ Kote  _ froze at the mention of his  _ vod’ika’s  _ name. So… Rex had really made Captain? His little brother? He couldn’t feel happier, knowing that Rex had really made it to the rank of captain. Obi-Wan continued on, only making  _ Kote _ ’s pride and amazement grow. They worked together often, from the sound of it. At least the war hadn’t separated them. He was thankful for it.

He couldn’t help but smile a little to himself, saying, “ _ Buir  _ must be proud of him.” 

Obi-Wan stopped short, both of his eyebrows furrowed as he looked at  _ Kote _ , “... _ Buir _ ?” 

Oh, right. To most people, his  _ Buir  _ was simply Jango Fett.

“Our template, sir. Some  _ vode  _ call him Prime. Jango Fett,”  _ Kote  _ answered easily.

All at once, the mood shifted away from the light, happy feeling to something delicate like ice. There was a sharp intake of breath from Obi-Wan and  _ Kote  _ could practically feel something like guilt radiating off of Obi-Wan in waves. 

_ Kote  _ turned towards him, hesitating. While he had gotten braver with talking when not spoken too… it still was hard sometimes. Especially when it was important to him, things that made  _ Kote, _ well, _ Kote. _

“Sir, What happened…?”  _ Kote  _ asked, trying so hard not to let his voice crack. 

Obi-Wan’s bright blue eyes filled with tears of regret, pain, hurting for  _ Kote  _ and not himself. He didn’t have to even say anything,  _ Kote  _ could put two and two together. Something had happened to Jango, Obi-Wan had been there, and  _ Kote  _ or well- Cody had never told his general how much Jango had meant to them. To him. 

“He… there was a terrible battle on Geonosis. He didn’t make it out. I- I should have stopped it, I should have saved him. He was unarmed at the time and Master Windu went after him anyway-” 

“He’s dead?” 

A beat, then, “Yes… I-  _ ni ceta. _ I’m sorry, I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it. If I had known-” 

_ Kote  _ inhaled slowly, holding it in for a moment to calm his nerves before releasing it, looking up into the stars. He would say his remembrances for his  _ buir  _ later. 

“He’s the one who named me. Would call me  _ ner’kot’ika _ . His little glory.  _ Kote  _ stuck.” 

Opening his mouth as if to speak, Obi-Wan moved forward reaching, and froze. 

_ Kote _ turned to him, face blank and said genuinely, “Thank you, sir.”

Obi-Wan gave him an odd, sad look, and  _ Kote  _ wondered if he ever smiled. 

\---

The stories paused after that, but they still would spend their days together talking. Eventually, Obi-Wan asked  _ Kote  _ for stories about Kamino. Before they knew it, an entire month had passed on that tropical planet. 

_ Kote  _ was glad to be free of the splint, even if he wasn’t allowed to engage in strenuous activity. Being on his feet, being more productive and helpful, really boosted his morale for this. 

Stubble began cropping up on  _ Kote _ ’s chin, just a faint shadow at first before growing thicker. Obi-Wan’s own beard had grown out a little bit before he had apparently ‘trimmed’ it with his lightsaber.  _ Kote  _ wasn’t sure how he had successfully pulled it off, but Obi-Wan had come back from the stream looking freshly groomed. 

They had decided to gather firewood one day, venturing far away from their camp. They hadn’t dared go too far away, in fear of losing their way and starting over.  _ Kote  _ quite liked his fishing spot and didn’t want to have to find one, and the cave was starting to look quite decorated at this point.

Just as he was picking up another log, he saw one of the large enormous birds diving right for Obi-Wan. All he could see was a bomb, flinging itself across a battlefield, heading straight for Obi-Wan. It was screaming through the air, the impending doom only growing with each foot closer.

“GENERAL!” he shouted, trying to warn him, “Obi-Wan!” 

Obi-Wan glanced up at him.  _ Kote _ ’s breath shortened, even as the bird swooped back up, twirling. Numbly,  _ Kote  _ crashed to the ground, the branches in his arms tumbling to the ground with a thud. Why couldn’t he breathe? Why had the world suddenly shifted until he tumbled? What had that been? 

A worried face swam in his vision, a hand on his chest.

“ _ Kote _ ?  _ Kote _ ? Breathe with me, follow my pattern alright? Here,” Obi-Wan muttered, bringing  _ Kote’s  _ hand to his chest, and leaning his forehead against  _ Kote’s _ . 

“It’s alright, breathe, you’re safe. I’m safe.” 

_ Kote  _ tried hard to calm, to soak in the comfort knowing Obi-Wan was there. His cy-

The thought vanished as soon as it came, fleeting in the emotions but leaving a lingering (and confusing) warmth behind. Then he stiffened, remembering that this was his superior officer. 

“I”m sorry, sir, it won’t happen again,” he quickly amended, picking back up his quarry and rushing back to camp. 

He wasn’t sure what had made him so scared, why the flashback was so foggy on the edges of his mind. It was a memory trying hard to break through but everytime  _ Kote  _ focused on it, he couldn’t quite grasp it. 

The two didn’t talk the rest of the night. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehehe
> 
> honestly i dont know if this fic is any good, my discord server blessed me with ideas and im just spitballing them in where i can

_ Kote  _ took to sitting out while Obi-Wan would climb trees to pick fruit. He would stand under with a bucket, letting Obi-Wan toss them down to him so they could store them for later. It was peaceful, the menial labor of hunting and gathering. 

Things between them had gotten a little stiff once more, both cautious to approach anything after the panic attack.  _ Kote  _ found himself missing the slow budding friendship that the two had slowly built. He had become much more comfortable around the  _ Jetti  _ realizing that it was okay to speak even when not spoken to. 

Yet with the strained silence between them, brought on by Obi-Wan,  _ Kote  _ found himself wanting to reach out, to speak. His foolish Jedi always blaming everything on himself, even when it wasn’t his fault-

He stopped short, trying hard to grasp on the slippery thought. That was something that didn’t come from the past month. No, it was something from before, something he  _ knew _ . Cody must have been familiar with Obi-Wan, enough to pick up on his moods, to know how personally Obi-Wan took everything. How he would bottle things up and never talk, always blaming himself for things even if he wasn’t at fault. Just like how he had blamed himself for Umbara-

Pain spiked in  _ Kote _ ’s head, in that same spot as the first day, causing him to crumple forward, grimacing. Images flew through his mind, a dark dreary world filled with fog and dim lights. Blue fighters, green light behind helmets, red plants. Natives fighting against the  _ vode _ . Wondering why, why was this a battle that needed to be fought? 

He was far too out of it to notice when his knees crashed into the coarse dirt under him, knocking him forward. Obi-Wan called out for him, but he couldn’t tell if that was here in the moment or in the memory ripping itself through his head. Breathing harshly, he tumbled to the ground, head pressed painfully in the dirt. 

Umbara had been a massacre, a disaster. So many  _ vode  _ lost to  _ vode  _ because of a corrupt General. Rex- oh Force, his  _ vod’ika  _ had been so distraught, hurting and grieving for so many of his men. Rex had blamed himself for not being the one to kill Krell. But Cody had been-  _ Kote  _ couldn’t help feel a small bit of selfish relief that he hadn’t. Then Rex would have been taken away. And Waxer- Waxer, his  _ vod  _ — the one he had spent a week hearing stories about— had died, causing Boil to lose his other half, his closest friend and  _ vod _ -

A hand pressed comfortably at his back, rubbing in soothing motions. Something calm like a refreshing stream flowed through him, dragging his pain out. It subsided, but the memories remained.  _ Kote  _ became aware of Obi-Wan next to him, murmuring reassurances as he pulled himself back together, shuddering. 

It had been his first clear memory, everything else had been faint images, vague feelings, but this- this he fully remembered. He had grieved before, and yet- yet he couldn’t help but feel that pain in his chest once more, struggling hard to keep his cool. Another name to add to his Remembrances. 

“Are you alright?” 

_ Kote _ looked up at the Jedi, into those blue eyes who always saw more than one would expect, those blue eyes which had shed tears for  _ vode  _ lost in the horror of Umbara. This man had fought, cried, bled, and  _ hurt  _ for them. This Jedi was  _ aliit.  _

Breathing out,  _ Kote  _ twisted himself into Obi-Wan’s arms, clutching tight at the robes. Obi-Wan’s arms came up to curl around him and tugged him closer. The Jedi was stiff, barely breathing as  _ Kote  _ calmed his racing heart.

_ Kote _ muttered lowly, taking a deep breath in and out, “I remember Umbara.” 

There was a heavy sigh from Obi-Wan as he shifted, placing himself down on the ground next to  _ Kote _ . “I’m sorry that was your first memory. I was hoping it would be a happier one. What brought it on?” 

“I-”  _ Kote  _ cut off, not wanting to cross a line again. Obi-Wan had pulled back significant after he had called him but his name. If he opened up, then would Obi-Wan fully ignore him? “I don’t want to talk about it.” 

Obi-Wan nodded, but didn’t shift away. It seemed he had made the best choice then, “I… am sorry if I have seemed distant,” Obi-Wan started slowly, as if it was difficult to say.

Was-was Obi-Wan making another attempt to bridge the gap between them?  _ Kote  _ wasn’t sure. Rex had always been the emotionally mature one between the two, forcing  _ Kote  _ to talk when he didn’t want to.  _ Kote  _ wasn’t sure what Obi-Wan was trying, but he would… sit and wait. 

“It’s difficult for me. You and I were close before, and I have history with you that-” 

“I don’t have with you?”  _ Kote  _ finished quietly, finally, finally speaking up. 

The corner of Obi-Wan’s mouth twitched up almost like a smile, “Yes. And I can’t keep holding you to those standards. I would like to start over, if you’re okay with that? Just,  _ Kote  _ and Obi-Wan, neither of us holding ranks.” 

“I think I can do that,”  _ Kote  _ answered, giving the  _ Jetti  _ a low smile. 

Obi-Wan smiled, whole and bright then, causing something to flip in  _ Kote _ ’s chest. He looked at the copper-haired man in awe at the brilliance of it, and smiled back. 

* * *

No more memories came as clearly the following week. Even the small phantom ones had quieted to just a wisp of emotion.  _ Kote  _ wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel about it. He wasn’t sure he wanted someone else’s memories. Whoever Cody had been, he had been different from  _ Kote _ . They might be the same but their experiences shaped who they were.

Cody had lived three years in the war.  _ Kote  _ hadn’t even seen a day of it. 

Regardless, he continued helping when he could. Obi-Wan returned with stories, both happy and sad, and  _ Kote  _ would share some of his own. Kamino seemed to both excite and sadden Obi-Wan, knowing what life was like, and what they went through.  _ Kote  _ couldn’t blame him. He wished his  _ vode’ike  _ had gotten a chance to grow up normal. 

Eventually,  _ Kote  _ saw him as a friend, a close one too. Almost like a  _ vod  _ but- not. 

It was raining again, which it seemed to do often, filling their cave with a thin layer of water. It had flooded past their rocks due to the sheer amount of it, and  _ Kote  _ wasn’t looking forward to the muddy ground tomorrow, when they would have to go out and gather. 

“You know,” he said, turning to Obi-Wan who was perched on their little rock next to him, “It might be easier if we built a hut or something? There’s plenty of wood around, we have your lightsaber. We could construct a building to keep, insulate it with palm leaves. Have a raised rock floor? Might help?” 

Obi-Wan pondered it for a moment, watching the downpour of water slam into the ground. Then he nodded, “Yes, that might work. We’d have to get large slabs, place them side by side. The palms might work as a covering for the roof.” 

_ Kote  _ grinned, shifting a little closer to Obi-Wan (purely due to the chill in the air of course), “Sounds like we have a new project ahead of us.”

* * *

A couple days later they had managed to set up the skeleton for their new hut. The slabs were all laid out, with two more for a bed above those. The palms had indeed worked well for a roof, they just had to reinforce the walls to finish the building. It was small, only for sleeping and sitting, but it would do. 

_ Kote  _ was quite proud of his handiwork, for making something with his own hands (Obi-Wan helping of course). He was secretly hoping they wouldn’t get rescued, and knew that was selfish of him. But it was peaceful here with Obi-Wan, away from the harsh rules of the trainers, the  _ Kaminiise _ . He almost didn’t want to leave. 

And that made him question how he felt about Obi-Wan. Because what he felt was similar to the warmth and love he held for Rex… but different. And he wasn’t sure if that was lingering from Cody, or if that was actually him. Regardless, he didn’t act on anything. Why act on something you couldn’t define? 

Their language became blurred after  _ Kote  _ realized Obi-Wan was fluent in Mando’a. It was nice to indulge in his culture, his own language with someone who knew what he was talking about. They barely recognized when they switched between the two. Obi-Wan got braver as the walls of their hut went up, reaching out to touch  _ Kote  _ more often.  _ Kote _ got better at receiving and returning the affection. 

Finally, they placed the final branch against their hut and stood back to admire it. 

Obi-Wan clasped his hand on  _ Kote _ ’s shoulder, standing fairly close to the  _ vod _ . “We did good, for a couple of beginners.” 

_ Kote  _ snorted, turning his head to meet Obi-Wan’s amused, light, happy expression, “Not bad yourself.” 

He couldn’t bring himself to turn away from those captivating blue eyes, that hair he knew was soft, but couldn’t place how he knew. He wondered what it would feel like to cup the  _ Jetti _ ’s face, pull him close and press a kiss to his nose, like he had befor-

Oh.

_ Oh, Kriff.  _

Had Cody been in love with Obi-Wan? And… and was  _ Kote  _ in love with him too?

He flushed, ripping his gaze back towards the hut and shrugging off Obi-Wan’s arm. Trying to pass off the abrupt change he said, “We should try moving everything we don’t want getting wet inside.” 

Obi-Wan cleared his own throat, nodding. Was it his imagination or had Obi-Wan’s ears turned pink?

_ Kote  _ shuffled off to grab Cody’s armour and move it in. The paint job had continued to scrape off, and he didn’t want to risk washing the rest of it off. Speaking of washing, he probably should clean himself in the waterfall later, strip off his blacks and let them clean as well. It had been almost a week since the last time. 

The sun set quickly after, bringing the stars out and their nightly fire.  _ Kote  _ couldn’t bring himself to keep a distance from Obi-Wan, but was still hyper aware of every single touch that passed between them. It was nice, but he found himself too distracted by the way the fires danced along Obi-Wan’s skin, casting half of him in shadow. The way it lit up Obi-Wan’s eyes and hair, making him almost… glow. He didn’t comprehend much of what Obi-Wan was saying, only catching glimpses of a story about Wooley. 

* * *

_ Kote  _ stood up from his rock, stretching. Beside him, Obi-Wan’s bed was empty, signalling that the man was already awake. It… almost seemed as though Obi-Wan never slept. He always claimed to turn in after  _ Kote  _ yet was always awake. 

What was there possibly to do? There wasn’t much that needed to be done around their camp. 

He let the few joints in his back pop as he stepped out into the sunlight, observing Obi-Wan standing over by a rock, unmoving in a meditative pose. Well, he supposed that was alright. That wasn’t worrisome, even if something did nag him in the back of his head. 

Grabbing his makeshift spear and fruit breakfast, he treaded out deeper into the jungle to get to his fishing spot. He paused for a moment to observe his reflection, noting how his regulation length hair had grown out into its full curls, and his stubble had grown even more, filling out into a full beard. It was strange, seeing a beard there when he had been clean shaven his whole life. 

Moving back down the stream, he kept careful pace and let his mind wander. Time slipped by fast even as he hunted, spearing fish and creating a hefty pile in his palm-woven basket. Soon enough, the sun was starting to set and his stomach was growling angrily at him. He supposed that in the monotony of it, he had done everything purely through muscle memory. Three months on a planet will do that to you, teaching you new tricks and skills. 

_ Kote  _ stuck his spear into the basket, lifting it up with both arms as he trudged his way back to camp. The crickets rose as the sun fell, casting everything in a dim shadow. They hadn’t encountered any big animals out here, yet at least, so he had no reason to be afraid. 

When he returned to camp, he noticed Obi-Wan was in the same position as he had been that morning, still terrifyingly still. Not a hair out of place, not a robe shifted. There was a fruit core sitting next to him, so  _ Kote  _ was happy to see that he had at least eaten  _ something _ . Though, in all honesty  _ Kote _ hadn’t eaten anything since he left. 

Shrugging, he moved on to cook his own fish, expecting Obi-Wan to join him. He ended up eating the fish alone, with Obi-Wan still sitting stiffly on that rock.  _ Kote  _ frowned, knowing that it was unlike his  _ Jetti  _ to miss out on dinner. 

_ Kote  _ cleaned up, packing and preparing for the next day, before he moved over to Obi-Wan. The only sign that the man was still alive was the steady rise and fall of his chest, breathing even and shallow like he was asleep. 

So that confirmed his fears. Obi-Wan hadn’t been sleeping and it was finally now catching up to him. The position must’ve been extremely uncomfortable, especially sitting up like that.  _ Kote  _ himself was about to turn in for the night. 

With a sigh,  _ Kote  _ made up his mind, positioning his arms under the  _ Jetti  _ to lift him clean into the air. Obi-Wan blinked open for a moment before slumping back against  _ Kote’s  _ chest mumbling something. He had to admit, the Jedi was quite adorable like this. 

He shuffled Obi-Wan in his arms to situate the man more comfortably. Desperately trying to ignore the pure sense of  _ rightness  _ that struck him to his core at having Obi-Wan in his arms,  _ Kote  _ stepped into the hut, and tried to lay Obi-Wan down gently.

But the Jedi clung desperately, most likely still asleep when he mumbled, “Cody, come here,  _ ner’ka’rta _ .” 

_ Kote  _ stiffened and almost dropped Obi-Wan. Once the Jedi was settled on his bed,  _ Kote  _ stepped back, and walked out of the hut. His heart thundered in his chest, pounding loudly and drowning out his thoughts. He felt shaky, unsteady. It was hard to breathe even as he sucked in lungfuls of air. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy the fluff before the pain train begins

_ Kote  _ spent the next few days trying to gather his thoughts about it. The one simple word Obi-Wan had muttered had sent him in a flurry of flashbacks. The first time Obi-Wan said it to Cody, the time they had sat side by side, foreheads pressed together as Obi-Wan murmured it softly. With those memories came ones of Cody, thoughts and whispers of love, adoration. The sheer belief that he  _ was  _ Obi-Wan’s, and Obi-Wan was his. 

For a week straight he could feel the phantom pressure of lips against his, warm hands tracing over his scars, his muscles, a hand in his hair. It left him squirming sometimes, especially when a vivid memory would flare up, startling him out of his task. 

The memories weren’t even explicit in nature. Most of them were just quiet moments where Obi-Wan was wrapped in his arms, or  _ Ko- _ Cody was wrapped up in Obi-Wan’s. Simple brushes of shoulders, hips, arms. But the ghostly touches were enough to set him on edge. On Kamino, physical touch had been limited even between  _ vode _ .  _ Kote _ could count on one hand the number of hugs he had received in his life. So, having memories and the whisper of feeling had brought up an immense need in him. 

Obi-Wan didn’t seem to remember his slip up, acting as if nothing had happened between them. He still flirted like he breathed, still teased and poked and laughed. Things on his side remained as friendly as usual. If he noticed the way  _ Kote _ would watch him, the way  _ Kote  _ would flush if he got too close, he didn’t let up. Though,  _ Kote _ had walked in on him once, eyes red rimmed and cheeks flushed, dried tear tracks resting softly against the light. 

And  _ Kote  _ wasn’t sure how to broach the subject of… well, everything. The fact that he might be in love with the  _ Jetti _ , that Cody and Obi-Wan had been… something before. Were his feelings for Obi-Wan lingering from that? Was he having someone else’s feelings?

More days passed as he lost sleep, struggling and failing to keep his anxiety down. Obi-Wan even noticed his delayed reaction time during their spars, enough that they were on temporary hold until whatever was bothering  _ Kote _ got better. Those worried glances his way always warmed his heart a little, knowing that the  _ Jetti _ was worrying about him. 

He really tried to stay up, to listen to Obi-Wan’s story, but half-way through,  _ Kote _ began nodding off. Slipping in and out of consciousness, his head tilted to the side. Obi-Wan stiffened as he dropped onto the copper-haired man’s shoulder. Realizing what he had done,  _ Kote  _ jolted up, trying to back away and put space between them. Instead, however, he had only managed to make Obi-Wan panicked as he slipped off the rock and tumbled onto the ground. The bastard started laughing at him, full-body laughter that made his eyes shine and his cheeks turn pink. 

_ Kote  _ was helpless to stare up in awe, his own flush creeping up as he sat there, mouth agape. The man really was beautiful in the way his face would light up, blue eyes promising no good, those smiles that made his face go from somber, sad and quiet, to looking years younger. 

“You really ought to sleep, my dear,” Obi-Wan chided, amused, standing and holding a hand out for  _ Kote  _ to take. “I know you haven’t been doing so recently.” 

Almost too quickly,  _ Kote  _ accepted the hand and allowed himself to be pulled up. “Yeah, well-,” He stuttered, “The same could be said about you.” 

There was that infuriating look of innocence Obi-Wan gave, similar to the one when he avoided medical, when he said, “Whatever do you mean?” 

_ Kote  _ rolled his eyes, raising an eyebrow with an unimpressed look, “Obi-Wan, you haven’t been sleeping, I had to carry you to bed almost a month ago.” 

Surprise flashed in those gray-blue eyes. “Ah, yes, well, thank you for that. I… am sorry if I’ve troubled you.” 

Sighing,  _ Kote _ shifted back onto his heels, trying not to give into the temptation of swaying. He needed to stay up, get Obi-Wan to sleep, then he’d conk out and sleep like the dead. 

“I just… haven’t been able to sleep recently due to… certain changes.” 

Ah, well. That seemed to make sense.  _ Kote  _ didn’t know enough about relationships to second guess, but he figured after sleeping next to someone you loved, it would be a hard change to suddenly stop. 

Obi-Wan cleared his throat, tugging him along with their still connected hands. He led them both toward their hut, flicking with his other hand to extinguish the fire.  _ Kote _ couldn’t help the small thrill he got at the fact that the  _ Jetti _ hadn’t let go of his hand yet. It felt nice holding it. He could feel the calluses from lightsaber use and now hunting and fishing. 

He slid aside the vines they used as a door, situating him over to the rock bed. Then, Obi-Wan stepped back to grab two of their makeshift palm-leaves cups, filled them with water, and brought them back. Accepting one,  _ Kote  _ muttered a thank you, happy when Obi-Wan sat down next to him. 

“So  _ Kote _ ,” Obi-Wan began, smiling, “would you like to hear another story?” 

Honestly,  _ Kote _ had listened to the stories even more just to hear Obi-Wan’s voice. It was nice and soothing, with that crisp accent that started the blend in with  _ Kote’s _ own.  _ Kote  _ had noticed Obi-Wan’s had slipped in, sounding more similar to how Cody sounded in his renewed memories, even if  _ Kote’s _ was a little thicker than Cody’s. 

Maybe that was mainly due to the fact that  _ Kote _ hadn’t seen one of his brothers in so long and it was beginning to set him on edge. He missed them, even if he would get snippets of memories of them. What he wouldn’t give to see Rex again, to bully Wolffe or Bly and just sit in quiet with Fox. 

Obi-Wan placed a hand on his leg, startling him out from his anxious spiral, “ _ Kote _ ?” 

Giving a small grin,  _ Kote  _ nodded, but hid his shaky expression behind his cup as he drank. Obi-Wan launched into yet another story about Senator Amidala and Anakin’s complete inability to be subtle.  _ Kote _ listened intently, trying to ignore the way he shifted and swayed closer and closer to the  _ Jetti _ . Before long the exhaustion crept back up, making the world go fuzzy, and the words muffled. The air shifted as he swayed even more, and then there was a hand on him, pushing him down flat against the rock. 

He let out a small whine, grasping for Obi-Wan. “Stay,” he pleaded, eyes falling shut and unable to be opened. “Please.” 

For one tense moment, he believed Obi-Wan was going to push him away. Yet, he didn’t. Instead, Obi-Wan slid in next to him, tucking  _ Kote _ close. 

Happy and content,  _ Kote  _ finally gave into peaceful sleep. Just as he tipped over the edge, he felt something press against his forehead and heard Obi-Wan mumbled, “Goodnight,  _ ner’Kote _ .” 

The next morning, he awoke wrapped in warm arms, one hand slowly caressing his side. Obi-Wan was humming something sad and somber, but bittersweet and happy. The tune was vaguely familiar to  _ Kote _ , even if he couldn’t place it. He shifted, unsettling his breathing pattern, which caused Obi-Wan to pull back. Mourning the loss of the touch,  _ Kote _ blinked his eyes open. 

“Good morning,” he mumbled, burrowing into Obi-Wan’s chest. It was too warm to leave, too safe, and it had been too long since he had something like this. Rex would always sneak into his sleeping pod, neither wanting to be alone while they slept. 

Obi-Wan hummed, moving one of his hands to  _ Kote’ _ s longer curls, shifting through the mess they had become, “Good morning.” 

_ Kote _ let out a soft sigh before pulling back to meet Obi-Wan’s eyes. “I think we should talk,” he said, trying not to give away how scared he was for the upcoming conversation. Obi-Wan still seemed to pick up on it, as his hand stilled and his smile was replaced with a frown. 

“Yes, I do think we should,” Obi-Wan responded, pulling back to sit up. 

Clearing his throat and attempting to not fidget,  _ Kote _ also sat up. How was he supposed to start this? What was he supposed to say? Rex had always been the more emotionally mature one, telling them how he felt about what and knowing how to hand emotions. Rex had become their own little therapist there, trying to get them to be more emotionally stable. It had worked to some degree, Wolffe stopped trying to bite anyone who wronged him, Bly learned when to hold back. Maybe  _ Kote _ should actually try listening to him, to his advice. Put on the big boy pants and have the difficult conversation they needed to have. Obi-Wan seemed to honor trust and honesty, yet hadn’t been 100% honest himself. Not only that, but  _ Kote _ had feelings for Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan had feelings for… well. Cody. 

“I don’t mean to take Cody from you,” He began, ducking his eyes as he couldn’t maintain eye contact while talking about this. “I don’t mean to take… whatever he was to you from you. I know you two were close. But I’m- I’m not him. I don’t have the same experiences as him and I never may be like him again. I’m… a younger, more different him.” 

Because he had different memories from Cody. And even if  _ Kote _ got his memories back, there’s no guarantee that he would be the same Cody Obi-Wan knew. Their experiences on this planet had changed him so much from how he was on Kamino, but he hadn’t yet experienced war. 

“I have to admit that I do… hold feelings for you. But I can’t- I can’t act on them and have you act back when they’re for someone else. I’m not Cody. And I know you miss him, but I can’t…  _ be  _ him. I’m him but… not? If that makes sense. I don’t know if any of this makes sense, I’m sorry.” 

Defeated, he buried his head into his hands, digging his palms into his eyes. He sucked in a breath through his mouth to try and calm himself down, letting it out through his nose.  _ Breathe, _ he could hear Rex’s voice in his mind,  _ breathe, that’s it, steady breaths. _

Obi-Wan still hadn’t moved or spoken. He just watched  _ Kote  _ carefully, with that calculating look he had when trying to assess a situation.  _ Kote _ still felt like too much of a coward to meet his eyes. 

“ _ Kote _ I,” Obi-Wan cut himself off, one hand reaching up to brush at his beard, “ _ Kote _ . Me and yo- Cody. Me and Cody were… together. We have been for a year now. You are in the Force and in body, him essentially, but I understand the situation with memories. You certainly don’t act entirely like my Cody. You’re more open, friendly, you smile a lot more than he does. He has a harder time admitting when things are bothering him, and while you’re not perfect either, you’re still more open. You… don’t have his memories, you haven’t lived through the war like he did, and I understand that. But you also have to understand that I miss him. A lot. He… he was my other half, my rock during the chaos of the war. You’re so similar to him, yet so different, and it disorientates me sometimes. I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable with anything I’ve done or said.” 

When he finished, Obi-Wan flushed. But  _ Kote _ appreciated the honesty, and could read between the lines. For all intents and purposes… Cody as Obi-Wan knew him, was dead.  _ Kote _ had taken his place, and while  _ Kote _ was so much like Cody, Obi-Wan still knew that they weren’t the same. 

“I will be honest, Obi-Wan,”  _ Kote _ started, finally bolstering up the courage to drag his eyes up to meet Obi-Wan’s. “I have feelings for you, as I said before. But it… has taken me awhile to realize that they’re my own rather than lingering over from Cody. I can’t know 100% if you hold feelings for me as I am, or as you want me to be.” 

Obi-Wan smiled, something small and sad, “I understand, truly, and I’m sorry if I upset you. I… really don’t know where my feelings stand with you either,  _ Kote _ . Whether they're for you or Cody.” 

“Then… Why don’t we take this one step at a time? Not move forward unless you’re sure? I don’t mind sleeping like this again if it helps you sleep, but I still think we should maintain how we’ve been until we know better.” 

_ Kote _ knew that his  _ Buir _ and Rex would be proud of how he handled the situation, using his words for once instead of relying on the other person just knowing him well enough. But he was still an unknown variable to Obi-Wan. He had to admit he himself was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and wasn’t ready for what would happen when it came. Everything had been too good as of yet. 

“I think that’s smart,” Obi-Wan finally did grin, blue eyes shining with emotion. “Baby steps?” 

Giving Obi-Wan a grateful nod,  _ Kote _ grinned, holding a hand out, mostly as a joke, for Obi-Wan to shake, “Baby steps.” 

Chuckling, Obi-Wan accepted the hand, shaking it. 

Something grew in  _ Kote _ ’s chest at it, knowing that they had actually talked things out, and it hadn’t ruined everything they had built together. 

* * *

_ Kote _ woke up with the lingering images of his dream. It had been a nice one, surrounded by his  _ vode  _ after a long mission. They had shoved the tables of the mess hall to the side in order to pile up together in the center. That had been the whole memory, just him and his  _ vode _ . But it had left him with a happy feeling that carried through the whole day. He was glad that even as a Commander his connections to the  _ vode _ were still as strong as ever. Waking up with Obi-Wan tucked against his chest was nice as well.

“Do you plan on fishing today?” Obi-Wan asked, stepping out of the hut and walking towards where  _ Kote _ was making breakfast. 

The fish were roasting nicely, turning a nice shade of brown in the heat. The palms were the best fuel they found to use for quick fires, but they did produce thick black smoke so they used it as little as possible. They weren’t sure what was on this planet, but that small river was their only source of water at the moment and they weren’t willing to risk contaminating it. 

_ Kote _ took them both off, making sure to hand one to Obi-Wan before responding, “Actually, I was hoping to venture out, and that maybe you’d come with me?” 

Obi-Wan had kept flirting to a minimum, and other than the nighttime when they would sleep on the same bed, they had kept a good distance.  _ Kote _ was thankful for it, knowing the man respected his boundaries. 

Blinking, Obi-Wan paused to ponder. It was fair, after all they hadn’t traveled too far from camp. At most they had maybe walked a mile out. “I think I’d like that,” the  _ Jetti _ finally responded. 

Unable to stop himself from beaming,  _ Kote  _ already walked towards the tent. When their ship had crashed they had managed to raid it for supplies, giving them a first aid kit and one survival kit that had a water bottle. He was hoping to fill it before they left for the day. 

When he reached it, he realized that he hadn’t even responded to Obi-Wan, so he turned back around to yell out, “I’ll be ready to go in an hour? I want to make sure we have enough to handle us while we’re gone. We might not get back until tonight?” 

He saw a thumbs up in response, so moved back into their shared space. The day looked like it was going to be promising. They would finally take a break from constantly preparing their survival. They had only just now begun settling in for the long run instead of living day by day, meaning that they got a lot busier. They were working on building a new structure, one that could work as an actual house. 

An hour later, he stood by the tree clearing waiting for Obi-Wan. He had managed to pack a small sack, filled with some of their berries and fruit, a bird or two for lunch, and their water bottle.  _ Kote _ grabbed the first-aid kit just in case they needed it. 

Obi-Wan strode out to meet him, dressed only in his under tunics.  _ Kote _ always wondered why he wore so many layers, even in all this heat. Once they had raided the ship,  _ Kote _ had taken the extra shirt and pants, most likely left over from Cody, and changed into them. They were lightweight enough that they wouldn’t make him overheat like his blacks. 

“I’m ready to go, my dear,” Obi-Wan greeted, a light smile on his face.

It was amazing, how the time they had spent here had changed Obi-Wan from what  _ Kote _ saw in his glimpses of memories. In them, Obi-Wan was always tired, bags heavy under his eyes and lines permanently etched into his forehead. But here, the man’s freckles had darkened, his skin too had tanned a little after burning. His red hair had turned a richer color, and the crows feet around his eyes had become more prominent.  _ Kote _ wondered how different he himself looked, but after a month he had stopped caring. Obi-Wan had trimmed his hair and beard for him, but he kept them long, liking the difference from regulation cut. 

_ Kote _ grinned bright at him, linking their arms together, “Adventure awaits.” 

Obi-Wan only snorted, giggling at his cheesy line. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: time for pain train!!!  
> the boys: how bout, no we're going to be SOFT AND CUTE and MATURE
> 
> Me: please, PLEASE I just wanted to make angst about Kote being confused about the force bond and thinking Obi-Wan lied  
> The boys: hahahahaha NO
> 
> Also there's a scenario in here that I want to warn about: if Cody seems like he's a dick,, remember that Kote doesn't have all the context for things, and this is also from Kote's POV who is,,, not the MOST reliable narrator because he's biased so- he takes things out of context and interprets them in a VERY bad way

Rain pounded against the palm leaves. Thunder boomed, rattling everything as lightning flashed in the sky. They had to move a piece of debris in front of their door to stop from flooding. Wind howled outside, filling the air with furious noises. They sat huddled together in the corner, trying to ride out the storm. 

Obi-Wan’s burning skin was worrisome. If he really had a fever now, _Kote_ wasn’t sure how he would treat him. The man had already been coughing, feeling nauseous. But now he was asleep against _Kote_ , head burning and sweat plastering his hair to his forehead. 

Another clap of thunder, and he heard the other let out a whimper, pressing closer to _Kote_. 

“Sh,” _Kote_ whispered, running a hand along Obi-Wan’s arm. “It’s okay, we’re okay. We’re safe.”

The hut swayed dangerously, and for one horrifying moment, _Kote_ thought the whole place would collapse on them. If that happened they would really have to start over. The house they had been building, which had been nearly complete, had crashed not long after the storm picked up the day before. He just wished that it passed sooner than later, but he also knew how the storms of Kamino worked. They would swoop in, last for days and then leave, peaceful. 

“ _Kote_ ,” Obi-Wan whined, blue eyes blinking open with a bleary far away look. 

Oh, _Kriff_ , it looked like the man really had a fever, despite _Kote_ trying hard to ignore it. They couldn’t afford to get sick now. Not with their medkit still in the cave, possibly flooded and washed out with the rest of their supplies they had to abandon. 

Obi-Wan shuffled closer, burying his face in _Kote_ ’s neck. His warm nose nuzzled against _Kote_ ’s cool skin. Sighing in minor relief, Obi-Wan closed his eyes again, finally fading into unconsciousness. _Kote_ tugged him closer, shifting them so he could lean Obi-Wan against his chest, while keeping his back to the wall. 

Another flash of lightning caused _Kote_ to curl them up smaller, clutching the warm man to his chest. Hopefully, the storm would let up soon. 

It didn’t. 

For one entire week it stormed, and Obi-Wan’s fever never broke. Some days it got worse, some days it was better. _Kote_ had to hand-feed Obi-Wan enough food to keep him breathing, but Obi-Wan could barely keep it down, much less eat enough to stay healthy. He rapidly lost weight, which worried _Kote_. They needed the med kit. It carried painkillers that would be useful for Obi-Wan, yet the storm most likely took it. 

Finally, after the fifth day, _Kote_ finally dragged himself out of the hut to brave the storm. He would get that med kit even if it killed him. Leaving Obi-Wan to suffer alone with the sickness was so out of the question it hadn’t even crossed _Kote’s_ mind. 

However bad the hurricane seemed inside the hut, it was ten times worse outside. He couldn’t see through the biting rain, drenching everything and stinging his skin. The thunder roared so loud it nearly deafened him. _Kote_ couldn’t tell if it was day or night. The clouds blocked the sun out so much it was almost pitch black, with the only light coming from the lightning that would flare up every few seconds. 

Each step forward took a tremendous amount of energy to trudge through the icy water that had flooded. It went up to his knees now, and he could see so much floating off into the distance. Their carefully crafted chairs, the small cooler they had made, their home. All of it was either washing away or drowning under the torrent. The air nipping at his skin didn’t help, instead it only made the entire trip unbearable. 

Relying on memory alone, he struggled across the space. _Kote_ ’s eyes remained shut as he felt his way around their base. A powerful gust of wind almost knocked him over, but years of training in Kamino’s climate helped him remain upright. Finally, his hand brushed against wet rock, and he could hear the distant sound of running water. Carefully, he stepped the half step up into the cave. 

The water there only came up to his ankles, and it was much easier to see. _Kote_ attempted to wring out his shirt, trying to drain it of water, but everything was so soaked, it did little to help. 

He grumbled, walking further into the cave, trying to spot the small kit he knew was lying around somewhere. It had become their little medbay, the cave. Everything and anything they could get their hands on for healing had been stored away for later use.

Another flash of lightning lit up the cave, glinting across a familiar case. Rejuvenated, he rushed over to snatch it up off the rock. It seemed intact, not wet and still clean. Opening it revealed that all its contents were still there, but there was only one dose of painkillers left. It had to be enough for Obi-Wan, otherwise there was nothing else he could do. 

Shoving it under his sopping shirt, he ventured closer to the edge of the cave, dropping back down in the water. It rose back up, once again numbing his legs in its frigidness as he struggled back towards the hut.

_“This really reminds you of home, doesn’t it, vod?” Rex teased, leaning against Cody’s shoulder as they looked out in the muddy fields. The rain had come fast and sudden, pounding against the ground like bullets._

_Cody shot him a glare, “I’d hardly call Kamino home.”_

The memory slammed into him, causing him to stumble. He fell down into the water with a splash, struggling to stay upright. Disorientation took hold as the water swirled around him, and he nearly lost hold of the medkit before he got his feet under him. He rose back into the air to take big heaving breaths. Not willing to risk that again, he rushed back to the hut.

He stumbled in, letting the medkit crash to the floor as he shucked off his drenched shirt. Obi-Wan was still huddled in the corner, eyes barely open a crack as _Kote_ grabbed his blacks and threw them on, shucking off his pants while his back was turned. Once in dryer clothes, he snatched the case up, shuffling back over to where Obi-Wan was. _Kote_ dropped onto the floor, tugging Obi-Wan closer against his chest. 

“I got the medkit,” he muttered, trying to prop it open with one hand while the other rested against Obi-Wan’s waist. “And it has painkillers for you. You’ll need to take them.” 

“Y’r back,” Obi-Wan slurred, squinting up at _Kote_. “You left.” 

Something in his tone struck into _Kote_. 

“I know, I know,” he soothed, finally grabbing hold of the small pill bottle, “I had to get this for you okay? You were burning up.” 

“ _Kote,_ ” he mumbled, eyes falling shut once more. “ _Kote_.”

 _Kote_ shushed him, giving in a little to press a kiss to his feverish head. It had been another few weeks since their talk, yet _Kote_ couldn’t help being a little selfish. Obi-Wan was sick, possibly could die if they didn’t treat it right. He wasn’t willing to hold back when it seemed like it could help the _Jetti_. He sighed, lifting the pills up to Obi-Wan’s mouth. The _Jetti_ grimaced, pulling away with a whine. 

“Sweetheart,” _Kote_ pleaded, “ _cyar’ika,_ please. They’ll help.” 

Those big blue eyes blinked back up at him, startlingly clear even through the _Jetti_ ’s fever. After a moment, Obi-Wan relaxed against him again, his copper strands brushing against the skin at _Kote_ ’s neck. He opened his mouth, allowing _Kote_ to push the pills inside. _Kote_ held the water bottle up to his mouth, letting some of the clean water trickle in. Swallowing, Obi-Wan pushed even closer, trying to maintain as much contact as possible. 

Finally able to relax, _Kote_ ran a hand through his wet hair, shaking the moisture off of it as he let his own eyes fall shut. His free hand dropped down, returning to stroke at Obi-Wan’s arm. After a moment of silence, _Kote_ began to hum one of the chants Jango had taught him, before dissolving into actual singing. It seemed to lull Obi-Wan to sleep, the soft melodic tone of his voice singing the Mando’a words. 

Obi-Wan let out a soft sigh, relaxing under _Kote_ as he drifted off. He slept for most of the next few days until his fever broke. _Kote_ remained doting over him to try to help him with the rest of his symptoms and try to gather his strength back.

Eventually the storm passed, bringing harsh sunlight with it. Everything was still soaked as _Kote_ carried a weak Obi-Wan out, but that night it was worth it to watch the small sprites rise out of the ground and fill the air with light. The creatures fluttered out, plants on their backs as they spun and twisted through the air. It was a beautiful show to watch as they flew towards the other flora in the jungle, giving each a little drop of light. _Kote_ assumed it was some form of feeding system, giving light to the smaller plants that couldn’t quite get a glimpse of the sun under the tall trees. But that didn’t take away from its beauty. 

The inky sky shone with stars, blotted out by the tall arching palm trees. Each creature was about the size of his palm, blue but with a yellow glowing flower on their backs. When they reached one of the smaller plants, the light would shift along their body, before transferring to the leaves and leaving a faint glow behind. Soon, the entire area had a dim light to it, giving everything a soft luminescent look.

Obi-Wan gasped at it, eyes lit up in the spectacle. There was a gentle awe to him, making him look so much younger than he was. _Kote_ couldn’t stop the flush that crept up on his face looking at the other. Here, in the low light, everything seemed much more intimate, softer. Turning with a bright smile, Obi-Wan met his eyes. Something must have shown on _Kote_ ’s face as Obi-Wan’s mouth fell open in an ‘o’ shape. 

Nervousness swirled around in his stomach, making him feel jittery as he leaned forward. Obi-Wan seemed to be entranced by it, moving closer with _Kote._ They stopped, mere centimeters apart, letting their breaths mingle. 

One of Obi-Wan’s callused hands reached up, cupping _Kote_ ’s face and brushing against his beard, the other tangled with his curls. There was a silent question that was asked with those ocean eyes, one that _Kote_ was more than happy to answer.

Not wanting to waste anymore time, _Kote_ closed the gap between them, placing a soft press of lips against Obi-Wan’s. The ginger melted, eyes fluttering shut as he kissed _Kote_ back, soft and sweet. They stood there, kissing slowly with no real urgency, just drinking in the feel of each other. The kisses weren’t anything more than the press of lips, but it was still a first for _Kote_. It still made him go warm all over, something light building up in his chest as he tugged Obi-Wan closer.

Obi-Wan pulled back with a slight smile, face lit up in a blush almost as red as his hair. He looked… almost shy, a little timid, though he couldn’t step back far due to still being in _Kote_ ’s arms. 

“I know you’re not Cody,” Obi-Wan began, sliding his hand from _Kote_ ’s hair to the other side of his face. “But I think- I think I’d like to fall in love with you. If you’d let me?” 

_Kote_ ’s eyes softened, face relaxing with the pure love he felt toward this man. “ _Cyare_ ,” he whispered, turning to press a kiss to one of Obi-Wan’s palms, “that was never a question, the answer was and always will be yes.” 

Chuckling out of what sounded like relief, Obi-Wan tugged him forward again, starting where they left off.

\--

The rest of Obi-Wan’s symptoms left by the end of the week, leaving the man restless and eager to build his strength back up. _Kote_ made sure to feed him three times a day, make sure he slept, and helped him spar to get his muscle mass back. 

Slowly but surely, they worked together to rebuild their personal home. Their fires resumed when the forest finally dried enough for them to burn things, back to telling stories and jokes. Now, though, they would sit pressed together, hands twined together. 

“You know, I never knew you could sing,” Obi-Wan murmured into his shoulder. “You have a lovely voice.” 

“Cody never sang for you?” _Kote_ asked, stilling. Singing had always been a thing of comfort between _vode_ , a thing of bonding. Jango had personally taught every single one of them _Vode An_. Their Mandalorian culture was important to them all, even if they had never set foot on _Manda’yaim_. 

“Other than when he and the _vode_ would chant before a battle, no,” came Obi-Wan’s response. “It’s always impressive to watch them sing it. But, well, it’s hard to pick out one voice from a sea of many.” 

Well, from what he gathered from both the stories Obi-Wan told and the few memories he had really gotten a grasp on, Cody had been a closed off man. _Kote_ might just be a younger version of him, but he was… different. Different due to his experiences here on this planet. The Cody in his memories seemed irritable, hardened by war and depriving himself of the things that brought him happiness. He seemed very in love with Obi-Wan, those being the only moments _Kote_ saw the alternate version of himself loosen up. _Kote_ was disheartened by the stone cold, bitter man the war had turned Cody into. But he vowed never to let that happen to himself. 

“I suppose I’ll have to change that, Cody doesn’t seem to be the most emotionally smart man.” 

Obi-Wan snickered at that, “He was wonderful, yes, but often behind a wall. I think being thrust into the role as Commander so early had…”

“Hardened him?” 

“Yes.” 

“Well,” _Kote_ hummed, “I won’t let that happen.” 

“I know, my dear.”

\---

_A hand landed on his shoulder, attempting to stop him. “Cody, please-”_

_He reared his arm back before slamming his fist into Obi-Wan’s cheek. Later he knew he would regret it, later he would swear to never lay a hand on Obi-Wan again, but by Force was he pissed._

_“You shouldn’t have lied to me!” Cody roared, he could feel his face go red with anger, “You shouldn’t have left to believe you were dead! General, I thought I meant more than that to you!”_

_Obi-Wan gasped, reaching forward, “Cody, you do, but I couldn’t say anything becau-”_

_“Because of the council, yeah you said that,” Cody flinched back from Obi-Wan, clenching his fists as he glared, jaw clenching. “For fuck’s sake, Obi-Wan, I’m supposed to be your partner. Your other half! Sir, I asked you to say the riduurok with me after the war. You agreed. This- this is not-”_

_He cut off angrily, throwing down his helmet onto the ground._

_“We also said we wouldn’t put our relationship before duty, Cody,” Obi-Wan snapped back, the lines of his face all harsh and furious, “we promised each other to never put ourselves before duty.”_

_“Yes! But that doesn’t mean let me believe you’re dead!” Cody shouted, rounding on Obi-Wan. “You lied to me, and that’s something we also promised to never do to each other. Do you know how bad it hurt? Thinking that the one person I loved more than anything was dead? Kriff, I almost got decommissioned because they deemed me not fit for battle!”_

_“Cody,” Obi-Wan’s face softened, anger burning low as he stepped forward, cupping Cody’s face in his palms. “Cody, love, I’m so sorry.”_

_Cody broke down sobbing, clinging to Obi-Wan like a lifeline, “Never again, you can’t have me believe that ever again.”_

_“I can’t promise that,” Obi-Wan mumbled, “but I can try to leave you a hint. So you don’t know I’m dead. I can promise you that. Ni ceta cyar’ika, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”_

_Reaching up, Cody brushed against Obi-Wan’s cheek, “I’m so sorry, Obi-Wan. I’m sorry.”_

_Obi-Wan only sighed, pulling Cody close as he continued to break down, “It’ll be okay.”_

_Kote_ gasped awake, panting and heaving as he stumbled out of the hut into the crisp night air. He heard Obi-Wan shift behind him, but couldn’t care. The dream… it had been a memory. A painful one too. He wished that at some point the memories he got in clarity would be kinder ones. 

“ _Kote_?” 

He whipped around to wear Obi-Wan was approaching, concern clear in those bright eyes. However, his gaze was pulled to Obi-Wan’s face where a bruise had once sat thanks to his own hand. _Kote_ ’s brush of anger at the memory faded as guilt both lingering from the memory and from himself pooled. Stepping forward, he caressed the man’s cheek, delicate and soft.

“He hit you.” 

Obi-Wan’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “You need to be a little more specific, when?”

 _Kote_ felt something fierce and protective rise up in him, threatening to spill over. How dare Cody. How dare he hurt Obi-Wan-

“Oh, _oh,_ ” Obi-Wan quickly snapped forward, brushing _Kote_ ’s hair out of his face. “I didn’t mean it like that. No, Cody never hit me like that, except once. Sparring sometimes got a little rough is all I meant. I hit him a fair amount too while sparing.” 

Deflating, _Kote_ stepped fully into Obi-Wan’s space, “So… after Hardeen was the only time he intentionally hit you?” 

Sucking in a sharp breath, Obi-Wan nodded, “But he wasn’t the only one. Satine, Anakin, even… Padme and Bail gave me a piece of their mind. In their defense, I deserved it after what I put them through.”

"That doesn't make it right," he hissed, furious with Cody, and for everyone for hurting Obi-Wan. Why couldn't they see that the whole situation had been hard for Obi-Wan? Then something else took hold, a lingering thought and idea, “Why didn’t you tell me about this? Me or Cody?” 

“I-” Obi-Wan cut himself off, stepping back, “I was ashamed. Of… what I did.” 

“We- you- You were going to say the _riduurok_.” 

Sighing, Obi-Wan took a step back, probably sensing the growing frustration in _Kote_. “Yes, after the war.”

“I-” he cut himself off frustrated, “Kriff, you should have just told me about it. Were you trying to hide it from happening? If I never remembered it would you have told me?”

Obi-Wan’s pointed silence was enough of an answer, especially with the look the man gave him, sad and guilty. 

Anger spiked again, and he hardened his expression, “I need some space. From… you. To sort all of this out.” 

_Kote_ couldn’t look up as he heard Obi-Wan let out a frustrated huff, “Always on your terms isn’t it? Yes, I suppose a break is an excellent idea.” 

Turning on his heel, Obi-Wan stormed off to the hut. _Kote_ sighed, moving over towards the cave. He supposed that that was where he’d sleep that night. He had a hard time falling asleep, twisting back and forth while his anxiety threatened to swallow him. But he resolutely pushed it down, trying hard to ignore it. _Kote_ simply wanted to sleep and focus on all of… _that_ tomorrow. 

Eventually, he managed to drift off, only to waken when he felt eyes on him. It startled him awake as he sat up, looking over at Obi-Wan by their fire pit. The ginger immediately dropped his gaze when he realized he had been caught looking. 

_Kote_ let out a breath, pushing off the rock and striding across the clearing. When he got to Obi-Wan’s side he couldn’t help but fidget for a moment, silent. Obi-Wan didn’t look over at him, but he could see the _Jetti_ looking at him from the corner of his eyes. 

“Look,” _Kote_ started, “I’m sorry. I- I know I’ve been controlling what we can or can’t do. But I need you to understand that this is all new to me. I...I don’t have context for a lot of things you bring up, and I don’t know you as well as Cody did. I also haven’t met anyone except you who wasn’t _Mando’ade, Kaminiise,_ or _vode._ So I’m sorry. I just was surprised by the whole situation and a little hurt that you wouldn’t tell me.” 

Obi-Wan finally turned to look at him, and _Kote_ relished in the small victory. With a sigh, Obi-Wan reached up with a hand to thread through _Kote_ ’s hair, scratching lightly on his scalp. _Kote_ couldn’t help but melt into the touch. As always this man made him weak, happy, soft. He wondered why Cody hadn’t taken the time to openly appreciate Obi-Wan if this is how he felt. Then again, Cody was a little constipated when it came to emotions from what he remembered. 

Obi-Wan opened his mouth to speak and then- froze. It was a full body lock up, eyes snapping towards the sky. Hope mingled in those eyes with pure elation. _Kote_ followed his gaze up as the sound of gunships filled the air. A republic cruiser was slowly lowering into the planet, two gunships leading the way. 

_Kote_ bolted into action, running towards the hut to grab what they needed to bring back with him. He made sure to grab his armour, sliding it on with startling speed. Pausing, he snatched up Obi-Wan’s lightsaber and hooked it to his belt. He took one last long look at their home, sliding his hand across their poorly built walls as a goodbye. Then, he stepped back out to where he could see Skywalker (it was strange seeing him in person, rather than stories and hints of memory) holding Obi-Wan close in a bone crushing hug. A few _vode_ mingled around observing everything. 

Loud, obnoxious laughter pulled his attention to the other gunship where Rex was striding over, not bothering to hide his amusement. “You look like something died on your face _ori’vod_.” 

_Kote_ couldn’t help but grin, elated to see his little brother again. Throwing all protocol to the wind, he sprinted the rest of the way and crushed Rex into a hug, clinging to him desperately. It would make no sense for him to deny the happy tears that fell upon holding his _vod’ika_ in his arms, knowing the man he had become and the things he had accomplished. 

“Woah,” Rex said, jolting in surprise, but his armour arms rose up to wrap around _Kote_. “It’s good to see you again Codes.” 

Oh-

 _Kote_ flinched back, wincing as he met Rex’s confused gaze, “About that… I’m- I’m _Kote_. Obi-Wan thinks I have some form of amnesia caused by the crash that took all my memories up until just before _Buir_ died.” 

“ _Oh,_ ” Rex mumbled out, tugging _Kote_ back. “Does this mean I get to be the _ori’vod_ now?” 

Snorting, _Kote_ punched his brother lightly on the shoulder, “You wish _vod’ika_.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONE MORE CHAPTER AND THEN THE STORIES OVER!!
> 
> Tumblr is: Crablad or clonebabes


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, thanks for sticking through this fic. This is the last chapter and I had a lot of trouble with this one. I hope its okay!!   
> Also, Baby and Apollo are both medics, as explained. They're oc medics i made for the 212th !! Apollo being the main medic man. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much for reading this fic,,, this is. Really the first multichapter I've finished??? at least, the first fic that was intended to be a multichapter anyway. Check the bottom notes for a surprise!!

Getting situated on the Star Destroyer was… different. They had apparently been on that planet for close to 10 months, while the war and army around them continued on. According to the medic, Apollo, they had been declared KIA after 5 months, but Skywalker had never given up. 

_ Kote _ wasn’t sure how he felt about Skywalker. The general seemed like a good guy, and he could tell Rex adored him. But… the things he had heard, the possessiveness from the stories. Sometimes he wondered why the  _ Jettise  _ didn’t get mind healers. From the sound of it, many if not all needed one. 

It was hard to back down from the wild instincts, hard to not only eat what he needed. There were many times where he had left his tray only a fourth eaten. Rex would just give him a worried look, and move on. Obi-Wan had been doing the same, and  _ Kote _ worried that he would lose even more weight. Sleep was also harder, unless he was on the hard floor surface. 

So many members of the 212th were unfamiliar to him. They either hadn’t been in the stories, or ones Obi-Wan didn’t know as well. And he almost felt guilty of it. Forgetting a brother was a great insult, mixing them up was like a slap to the face. Yet, many would reach out to him, to say hi, welcome him back and he… just didn’t know their names. 

Eventually the 212th, and by extension  _ Kote _ and Obi-Wan, were deemed ready for duty again, boarded the Negotiator, and said goodbye to the 501st. He didn’t want to leave Rex now that he had just gotten him back.  _ Kote _ had known a life outside of duty and he… he didn’t want to be thrust into the role as Commander. That wasn’t who he was, that wasn’t who he had become. 

They forced him into armour that wasn’t his, forced into a role he didn’t want, surrounded by rules and strategies he couldn’t understand.  _ Kote  _ had spent years of his life training to be a soldier, trained to live, breathe, die for the Republic and yet- this was the first time he was seeing it. This was the first time he was getting it shoved into his face. And, not only that but, he had become someone else. 

That planet was more home to him than this ship, even if Obi-Wan seemed more at ease here.  _ Kote _ didn’t know the ins and outs. The ship was foreign to him, and he was unsure where to go, what to do, where he was needed and-

He wasn’t called by his name. 

It was always Commander. 

He wasn’t a commander. He wasn’t Cody. He was just  _ Kote _ . 

_ Kote _ who wanted to wake up beside Obi-Wan every day, who wanted to have his brothers around, safe and happy away from the horrid war he had heard so many stories about. He wanted to save the ones that had died, even if he couldn’t. 

Slowly, he began to slip away into his mind, locked behind a cold, unfeeling, wall. 

Obi-Wan and he had barely spoken since returning. The Jedi had been wrapped up in so much as a General, as a Jedi, as a friend. The few moments they got were whispered words and soft kisses traded in back rooms. 

And by Force, did  _ Kote  _ miss him. Missed the way he would smile at  _ Kote _ , missed the way he would brush  _ Kote _ ’s hair out of his face. Hair that had been shaved down back to regulation once they joined back on board. 

He hated it. Hated how everything around him wasn’t him, hated how the things around him gave him ghostly memories of someone else’s life. It all just built up, having no outlet, and bottling dangerously close to the top.  _ Kote _ was thrilled to be with his  _ vode  _ again, but the lines between  _ Kote _ and Cody were blurry. He worried he was faking it, that  _ Kote _ was just an excuse to be someone different. Yet Cody didn’t feel right either, that was someone he wasn’t. He was a pretender for trying to be him, trying to be the Commander everyone relied on.

_ Kote _ was still a brilliant commander, but he was much too casual with Obi-Wan and the  _ vode _ . He blurred the regs when he shouldn’t, let things slide more than Cody would have. Even had requested that none of them call him Commander. He was a strategist, sure, but not a commander. 

Stress lines and bags under his eyes cropped back up on Obi-Wan, and it was a feeling  _ Kote  _ shared.  _ Kote _ hadn’t slept much either. The stress, the fear, the pure terror he felt kept him awake at night, as he stared into the blue lines of hyperspace. 

His first battle was a nightmare. 

“Commander! We need reinforcements!”

“We’re pinned down!”

“The enemy is gaining!” 

“Medic! Medic!” 

“Watch out!” 

“We’re losing men fast!” 

It was a struggle to see his HUD, his tears streaming behind the helmet unseen, and hidden. He couldn’t show them how hard it hit, couldn’t show him how much the pure terror of the moment got to him.  _ Kote _ checked to make sure his comms weren’t picking up the sound of his sniffling, of his pathetic tears in the face of battle, in the face of what they were born to do.

Obi-Wan eventually called off a retreat, supporting the back of the mass as the men rushed out. Far fewer men than they started with. All because of him, all because he froze the moment the  _ vod  _ next to him went down with a shot to the face. The unfeeling, white and gold  _ buy’ce _ scattered across the ground, leaving a gruesome sight behind. A bomb landed way too close for comfort, nearly deafening him as he tried to fall back, tried to get back in it. 

So. His fault for freezing. 

He couldn’t take it. The moment they managed to pull back to their base, he threw his helmet aside, stripped off his armour and made a beeline for the supply closet. No one would look for him there.  _ Kote _ crashed in, falling to the floor as the door shut with a click. His breathing crumpled, turning from short sharp breaths, to full on heaving gasps. The panic wouldn’t stop, the shaking. Nothing was right. He wasn’t meant for this, he couldn’t do this, and it would get people killed, and he just wished he had his memories back so he didn’t fail anyone. Why couldn’t he just know who he was? Cody or  _ Kote _ ? Cody could handle this,  _ Kote _ couldn’t, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t be either of them, and they both felt fake leaving only CC-2224 behind to pick up the pieces of two people who had failed, who had left and created this pile of  _ osik _ .

It took him a moment to notice that his throat felt raw from him screaming, his jaw aching from clenching. His hands had tugged at his hair, leaving the follicles tender.  _ Kote _ ’s vision was blurred from tears as he sucked in breaths, lungs burning for oxygen. 

A thread of comfort, assurance, love filtered through the panic. It was a soothing presence, curling around him like hands cupping his face. The simple touch was enough to anchor him, pulling him back into the moment. One of the phantom hands slid up to his hair, brushing it softly until he leant against the wall. The other smoothed over his back, rubbing it reassuringly. 

For a moment, he thought he had heard,  _ “It’s alright, love, just breathe. Center yourself, I’ll be there in a moment.” _

With a wheeze, all energy flooded out of his body, leaving him in a ball on the floor of the supply closet. The hands never left him, but remained as a steady constant while he managed to regulate his breathing. He felt drained, more than he had ever had. Nothing in the galaxy appealed to him more than letting the ground swallow him whole so he wouldn’t have to go out and face his failure. 

The door slid open, letting someone enter. The phantom hands dissipated, replaced by real warm ones pulling him into thin, lean arms. The scent of tea, a familiar one tugging at the back of his mind, mixed with the standard issue soap of the GAR. Obi-Wan. 

He eagerly pushed into the arms, desperate for some contact with the man. Obi-Wan’s fingers scraped lightly at his scalp, the other holding him against the  _ Jetti _ ’s chest. Everything stilled as he shuddered out a breath, trying hard to melt into the soft robes under him.  _ Kote _ ’s ears rang from the silence, only broken by his own soft inhales. 

“Are you back with me?” Obi-Wan asked, stilling his movements in his hair to slide his hand down to cup  _ Kote _ ’s face. His  _ Jetti  _ raised  _ Kote _ ’s face up to meet his, pressing a soft kiss to his nose. 

_ Kote _ leant his forehead against Obi-Wan’s, letting his eyes fall shut. It was nice to just sit for a moment and let Obi-Wan’s presence drift over him, calming him. His skin felt like it was still buzzing, but he ignored it, trying hard to focus on the body beneath him. It took a few breaths in and out before he calmed himself down. 

“I want… I want my memories back. I’m tired of not knowing who I am, who I was.”

“I can help, if you want,” Obi-Wan murmured, pressing another kiss to the side of his face. “I can help you meditate, try to seek them out?”

_ Kote _ nodded, fully resting his weight on Obi-Wan, “Yeah, yeah. That would be… nice.”

“Alright. Will you be okay with the rest of this?” 

He really won’t be. He knew that. But, there was nothing he could do.  _ Kote _ needed to be strong through this,  _ Kote _ needed to be the commander everyone was looking for him to be. Even if everything in him screamed that he wanted to be part of the men, he needed to be prepared for battle.  _ His vode needed him _ . 

He tried hard, pulling every bit of cold, hard, Commander he remembered from his small memories of Cody and slipped on the mask. Without a sound,  _ Kote _ stood up, away from Obi-Wan, and held out a hand to help the  _ Jetti _ up. 

“Let’s go, sir. The men are waiting.”

It hurt, not talking like him, like he had no feelings about what he was about to do. Something sad shone in his _Je_ _ tti’s _ eyes as he stood, gripping hard to  _ Kote _ ’s hand. He looked spooked, hurt, and… something  _ Kote _ couldn’t name.

He reached up, one last time, to trace at  _ Kote _ ’s scar. “I’ll see you after this,  _ Kote _ . Stay safe, love, please.”

“I will try, General.”

He couldn’t let himself feel the emotions he was holding back. He needed to be strong.

* * *

It was a long walk back to his room from the planet. They had won the day, but it had taken everything in him not to slip up, not to panic, to call upon every scrap of Cody that he could. It tired  _ Kote _ out beyond the physical. He felt so weary in mind that he wanted to lay down and let the ground swallow him. He was ready to let autopilot take over his aching, bruised body and fade.

“Commander?”

The voice caught his attention, turning his head in the direction of the Junior Medic. This was one of the  _ vode  _ who had greeted him aboard the ship, a shiny last Cody knew. But their name… 

“You’re Baby, right?” 

Baby frowned, “Yes, unfortunately. Apollo warned me about your amnesia, but I’m surprised you remembered me at all. Are you alright, sir?” 

It felt so viscerally wrong to be referred to as sir, that he physically flinched. Baby startled from their hesitant stance to move in close, already searching for injuries.  _ Kote _ couldn’t do anything while they fretted over him, their tattoo scrunched up from their concerned expression. 

“Please,”  _ Kote _ said weakly, “don’t call me sir off the field.” 

A look of understanding dawned on Baby as they pulled back nodding. “ _ Kote _ right?” 

_ Kote _ nodded, trying to resituate himself back into a casual pose. 

“ _ Kote _ you should get some rest. It was a long battle and I can see you favoring one leg over the other. Please,  _ vod _ , for the rest of us, get some rest. You’re dead on your feet.” 

He just nodded again, moving to head down the rest of the hall. Force,  _ Kote  _ really was tired, exhausted, drained right down to his last reserve of energy. He was already stripping off Cody’s armour, clutching the bracers in his hands as he stumbled into Cody’s room. It took little effort to just throw the plastoid pieces into the corner rather than situate it on the rack. There was paper work to attend to after all,  _ Kote  _ didn’t have time to worry about how neat his room was. Then, when he finished, maybe he could finally sleep for a full solid night. 

The chest piece clattered to the ground before he kicked it off to the side with the rest. Without much bravado, he dropped down into his desk chair to get working, surrounded by datapads and more. 

_ Kote _ lost himself in the grueling work, letting it wash over him even if he didn’t fully understand what it was saying. Some of the Battalions he didn’t recognize, the Jedi he couldn’t either. Time passed and eventually, he felt himself drift off. Distantly,  _ Kote  _ heard the door open but was far too drowsy to really pull himself to attention. The time on the planet had loosened him up, taken away some of his urgency. But the presence… felt nice. Friendly. 

Hands touched him, pulling him gently out of the chair as they stripped him of his armour. It was then he managed to blink his eyes open enough to catch a glimpse of ginger hair and pale skin. That was  _ safe _ , that was  _ home _ . Desperately he clung onto the tunics, even as he was pushed down onto the bed. The body wearing them huffed and slid in next to  _ Kote _ , pressing close.  _ Kote _ turned, burrowing deep into it like he could disappear if he tried hard enough, and finally let the darkness drag him under. 

* * *

When  _ Kote  _ woke, he wondered why he couldn’t hear the bubbling of the creek, or why the wind was so quiet. Or why the room felt… more closed off than it was, why it felt… stuffy. Then the humming of the ship came into focus, and dread settled low in his stomach. Right. The Cruiser. 

“ _ Jate vaar'tur _ , dear one,” Obi-Wan said in greeting, seemingly knowing the second  _ Kote  _ was awake. The homely sound of the Mando’a only soothed him further, allowing him to go boneless against Obi-Wan again. 

“ _ Jate vaar’tur, cyar’ika, _ ”  _ Kote _ muttered back, burying his face back into the beige tunics. He was happy that he could feel how long his hair was growing already when Obi-Wan ran his hair through it, tugging lightly. It wasn’t enough to be down to his ears, or even halfway there, but at least his curls were showing better. 

“You actually slept seven hours tonight. That’s more than you slept even on the planet.” 

_ Kote _ yawned, moving his legs to tangle with Obi-Wan’s, “Yesterday was…”

“Difficult. I know. My first battle wasn’t easy, I haven’t. I haven’t been surrounded by this much death for a very long time.” 

There was something bitter in his _J_ _ etti _ ’s tone, something that spoke of a long remembered moment, battle, something that he’d rather not bring up.  _ Kote _ could understand. This wasn’t simply something Obi-Wan didn’t want to tell him out of cowardice, this was something Obi-Wan didn’t want to be pushed about. 

Obi-Wan sighed, “Are you feeling alright?”

_ Kote  _ shrugged, “I’m alright. As I can be anyway. I think I… can see why Cody hardened up.” 

“You weren’t acting like… you yesterday. I didn’t realize how different you two were until you acted like Cody.” 

The silence that followed was heavy, full of understanding and realization. That was the whole point wasn’t it? That  _ Kote _ wasn’t and would never be Cody. Their experiences had shaped who they were and now, now  _ Kote _ had something Cody never got. Time alone with Obi-Wan where he could… let go.

“I still want to… I still want to try to see if we can bring back hi- my memories. I. I also would like to be able to love you openly, and I don’t mean in front of  _ Jettise  _ or commanding officers… but in front of the  _ vode _ ? And- and no more secrets. I know we still haven’t talked about the Rako thing but. I… I want to know things,”  _ Kote _ finally rambled out, hoping that he wasn’t overstepping. “I also… this is a two way relationship. Your needs value as much as mine, so anything I can do, please let me know.” 

Obi-Wan blinked at him before his features softened, brushing a hand over  _ Kote _ ’s scar. It was a soft, reverent touch, that sent shivers down his spine at the softness of it. “My dear, I just ask for the same in return. Honesty, trust, and care.” 

_ Kote _ smiled, “I can do that.” 

* * *

The next week passed with ease, after their… less than ideal performance, they had been… sidelined in a sense, pushed to the side until they were more functional as a Batallion. It allowed room for  _ Kote _ to breathe, to exist outside of the realm of Marshall Commander. It was almost a relief, even if  _ Kote _ avoided Cody’s armour at all costs. He quite enjoyed his blacks thank you very much, he was not going to wear someone else’s armour. 

_ Kote _ ended up spending more time with Baby, knowing that the Junior Medic wouldn’t resort to Commander as easily as the others. He wasn’t sure how to handle the disappointment clear on Boil’s features, but Boil was still… unknown. 

Obi-Wan had been once more swept up in his duties, only seeing  _ Kote _ long enough to hold him close and fall asleep. There was nothing to be done about it, this was a war. They had their jobs, they had their responsibilities. Those came first, above all else, despite how much  _ Kote _ hated it. But… It was nice to be able to pull Obi-Wan into his lap during down time, to kiss him good luck in front of the men. He had missed their casual affection. 

_ Kote _ began to ease into his role, even if it was looser than how Cody had operated things.

* * *

“ _ Kote _ , dear?” Obi-Wan called, sliding into the room where  _ Kote _ was playing Sebacc with a few troopers.

The game paused as everyone looked up, offering small salutes and a “General” in greeting. The  _ vode  _ had become more at ease with the General as they did with  _ Kote _ and the more they say them together. If anything, they were now really starting to resemble the family Obi-Wan had described, close and trusting.

_ Kote _ gave him a smile, not hiding the way his expression softened, and his tone turned fond, “Yes,  _ cyar’ika _ ?” 

Despite the time that had passed, the easy affection still turned a few heads. He was sure there were some who weren’t used to it yet, but he wasn’t willing to hide it. It seemed pointless, after all. The  _ vode  _ were trusted, the  _ vode _ knew better than anyone to let them have the small things that made them happy. 

“May I steal you away for a bit?”

The answer would always be yes.  _ Kote _ had plenty of time with his  _ vode  _ especially now that they had started seeing him as  _ Kote _ rather than Commander. Yet, still. He wanted them to be okay with it first, before he ditched them. 

When he looked up, he saw Boil nodding at him, with Baby sending him a reassuring smile, already dealing the next round of cards. The younger  _ vod  _ had been exceptionally good at the game, to which  _ Kote  _ suspected that this really wasn’t their first time playing, despite what they said. 

The others either ignored him in favor of their cards, or gave him their own small reassurances. Satisfied, he rose up and met Obi-Wan at the door, threading their fingers together. Obi-Wan greeted him with a grin, already leading him out and down the hallway. 

“I finally have some free time to help you with meditations. If you… still want to try to regain your memories that is?” Obi-Wan asked, looking uncharacteristically sheepish. 

It… made sense in a way. Obi-Wan had been very insistent that he wasn’t required to be Cody, especially in the last few weeks. But still, the sentiment that Obi-Wan still wanted to check warmed his heart. Truthfully,  _ Kote _ wasn’t sure he really wanted the memories for himself, but he was tired of not knowing things, of finding things out second hand. Maybe, just maybe having those memories would help sort the mess in his head. 

“Yes,” he answered, smiling, “I’m still willing.”

Obi-Wan nodded before letting go of his hand, shifting to pull out two cushions. He set them up before dimming the lights and sitting down gracefully on one. The pose he took up was his usual meditative pose, so  _ Kote _ attempted to copy him, but left his hands palms down on his knees. 

“So for this to work,” Obi-Wan began, speaking with his eyes closed, “you need to let yourself go, let yourself relax. I’m going to be… uh well, shifting through your mind in a sense, you have to leave it open for me.” 

_ Kote _ nodded before he realized Obi-Wan wouldn’t see him. Embarrassed, he closed his eyes, shifting back to let the tension out of his shoulders. He tried to focus on letting him be open, to relax and let his mind just empty. Focusing on his own breathing, he tried to match the rhythm Obi-Wan set with his own, keeping it nice, deep and even. 

After a moment, he felt… something brush against his mind. The presence was warm, careful and gentle like a caress. It reminded him of the warm, humid nights on that jungle planet after a rain. Carefully, it filtered in, spreading out and filling every empty space. It gave him the sensation of floating, lifted far off the ground and beyond his body. His senses stretched out aware of the man in front of him, the troopers down the hall, the engines humming. It all was clear. Amusement and frustration spilled out of the Sabbac room, grief clear from somewhere else. There were men sleeping just down in the bunks. 

_ Is this the Force? _ He thought to himself, so far out of his body. It was nice to let go and just simply exist. 

He… well, not heard exactly, a fond chuckle, and a crisp voice answer,  _ Yes, this is the Force. Now relax, I will see what I can find. _

Soft fingerlike touches smoothed over him, brushing lightly against his thoughts. Distant, long forgotten laughter filtered through, a smile, gray and blue armour. A bald female Zebrak, a four armed monster, dark planets and- 

Something  _ dark _ .  _ Werde _ his thoughts offered. Inky black darkness, rumbling like a beast. The second Obi-Wan brushed against it, a fierce, burning pain seared through. It dug its nails in, piercing sharp. It felt like he was being torn apart.

When he came back to himself, his throat was raw from screaming. He had somehow ended up on the ground, panting into the cold durasteel. Looking up, he was met with a shaking, terrified Obi-Wan, blue eyes small in his panic. Cautiously, the  _ Jetti  _ reached forward, brushing against  _ Kote _ ’s curls. 

“ _ Meg cuyir ibac _ ?”  _ Kote _ croaked, wiping away the sweat on his forehead. “What the  _ kriff was that _ ?”

Obi-Wan responded shakily, voice small even as he swallowed, “I don’t- I don’t know.” 

_ Kote _ pulled himself up, shifting into Obi-Wan’s space, “There’s something in my  _ head _ . I know it’s not supposed to be there.” 

“I-”

“Get it the hell out.”

* * *

The second the chip was out, he went into shock. The procedure had gone down without him going under, he refused to. 

Years of memories suddenly came flooding back, overwhelming his brain as he experienced them for the first time. Pain, love, care, despair all flooded in as Cody’s memories rushed in. 

“ _ Kote! _ ” he heard along with the sound of distant alarms. Voices were yelling, calling for help as he collapsed to the ground, head pounding, feeling like it was going to burst-

Then something pricked him from behind, and he fell into unconsciousness. 

* * *

_ Kote  _ woke up in the medbay, a bandage on his head, and a monitor hooked up to him. The steady beep reminded him that he was alive, still living, still breathing, despite his head hurting, despite feeling like he had been trampled by a bantha. 

There was a hand in his, limp and clammy, and a head on his arm. It was a struggle to sit up, to push Obi-Wan’s head off so he could strip off the monitor. A moment later Baby stepped into the room, freezing when they saw  _ Kote _ in the doorway. 

“You shouldn’t be getting out of bed, if Apollo sees that your monitor has stop-”

“KRIFF- nononononono!” 

Baby sighed, calling out, “Apollo, he’s alive.” 

The Medic walked in, frantic and eyes filled with tears, “ _ Kote _ ! You- you scared me, you can’t just detach yourself from the equipment-” 

_ Kote _ barely held back a chuckle as he sung his legs over the edge of the bed, “C’mon Apollo, you know those crocodile tears won’t work on me. I’m fine, please don’t yell you’ll wake the General.” 

Cursing, Apollo wiped away the fake tears, face turning harsh. But before he could speak, Baby stepped forward, resting a hand on  _ Kote _ ’s knee.

“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” 

_ Kote _ felt… lighter than he had in a while. Maybe not as much as he did on the planet, but it was very damn near close. For once he… he didn’t question who he was. It was like the world had been lifted off of his shoulders, glasses slipped over his eyes allowing him to see clearly. Not… everything was answered but he sure as hell knew who he was now.  _ Kote _ still, yes, but… Cody. He still wasn’t the same Cody they all relied on, frankly, he wasn’t sure he liked who he used to be. But  _ Kote  _ had loosened him up, showed him a life away from the war. He was  _ Kote _ and Cody.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” 

He took in the worried expressions of the two medics, and the sleeping form of his general. 

“I’m okay.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jate vaar'tur - good morning  
> Meg cuyir ibac?- What is that
> 
> So special surprise: I might write a sequel one shot to this!!! an order 66 fix it that didn't really. Seem to fit in with the rest of the story. I really like this au and this version of Cody/Kote so this might not be the last you see of him uwu

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!


End file.
